How to Support a Medically Complex Family (Without Making it Weird)
If you’re reading this you probably have someone in your life that’s dealing with big medical stuff. Whether it be hospital life in general, a chronic illness or maybe it’s a transplant - I’ve been there and I get it.
You probably want to help. And speaking as a mother to a medically complex kid, the thought alone means a lot. The next part can feel tricky. Do I just send a gift card? Show up with coffee unannounced? Praise them on Facebook? You’re probably asking yourself “how do I help without overstepping?”
Here’s how to help a medically complex family, without making it weird.
Little Check Ins
A quick “thinking of you guys” or “hope today goes really well” is huge. We probably won’t respond (at least don’t expect us to) but it means a lot to know people care.
Practical Help
Gift cards do go a long way. Find out what coffee shops the hospital has, is there a gift card program for the cafeteria? Start searching the hospital website for information. Grocery gift cards or even dropping off a meal at home (if the family isn’t inpatient and/or far from home) would make any medical family smile.
Listening Without Trying to Fix it
If someone trusts you enough to vent, let them vent. They aren’t looking for practical advice or miracle cures you found online, they just want to get it off their chest. We just want to say “Today was hard” and hear “That sucks, I’m here.”
Sticking Around
We know more than anyone how busy life can get. But staying in touch matters. A text, a funny meme/reel, a card in the mail… all of this helps us feel a little less alone and helps keep us grounded.
Respecting Boundaries (and trusting we know our kid best)
This is probably the most important one. When you have a medically complex kid, you are constantly weighing risks and making decisions other people won’t understand. If a parent says “No.” or “That’s not something we are comfortable with right now.” don’t fight them on it. Trust that they’re making the best decision for their kid. Even if you hear the slightest bit of hesitation in their voice, don’t push them to do something they clearly aren’t comfortable with. It’s not personal. It’s what’s safest for them in that moment.
What doesn’t help?
Saying “let me know if you need anything!” Sure, it’s kind. But we don’t know what we need or want.
Comparing our situation to your cousin’s neighbour’s friend’s kid.
Saying “Everything happens for a reason!” or any sentence that starts with “At least…” Just, no.
Pushing us to bring our kid to busy places or activities if we’ve said no.
Disappearing because you don’t know what to say.
A Final Thought
Supporting a medically complex family isn’t about grand gestures. It’s the little things that have the biggest impact. Showing up, checking in and reminding us we aren’t alone.
I feel incredibly blessed that Myles’ health has come a long way, even if it still involves hospital visits and new meds. We aren’t in clinic as much as we once were, and I know some families are in and out of hospitals constantly. Sometimes, it leaves me feeling somewhere in the middle, the in-between… not quite living in the hospital but still living a bit of a medically complex life.
But the truth is, whether you’re in or you’re out of hospitals every week or you’re celebrating the small stretch of stability you’ve worked so hard to achieve, the support still matters. Kindness still matters. It helps way more than you’ll ever know.
If you’re here because you care about Mighty Myles and our family, thank you. You are part of what makes the hard days a bit easier, and the good days even sweeter.
- Mighty Myles Mom